early morning zombie, being bathroom-narcissistic in my university
So one thing I wasn’t prepared for when I started to study medicine, was all the goddamn parties. If my liver could talk, it would ask me to go fuck myself pretty heavily. Sorry liver, it wasn’t my intention to mess you up like a used-up hooker.
With that said, this past time have been so crazy, that my brain cells are suffering from permanent damages. I had millions, now I have none. It’s scary, huh? One day, hopefully, I’m a doctor and you will be my patient. If you knew how fucked medicine students are, you would just handle your operation on the kitchen table instead. I really don’t get how you can stay sane studying this extremely difficult education with extremely intakes of alcohol every week. Let’s see if I become a doctor before my body shuts down on me.
Another thing I wasn’t prepared for either was how insanely stupid I actually am. Like really godawful-braindead-american-cheerleader-movie stupid. I don’t and haven’t understood a shit of what I have been reading the past 2 months, and it seems to get worse. Everybody keeps telling me it will come, like a sun on a cloudy sky (or something) one ugly-turns-beautiful day. I keep telling them there are more full of shit than I am, but still they somehow believe in me or quite frankly just feel sorry for me. I haven’t quite figured that out yet.
But they say hard work pays off. If studying from 7 in the morning to 7 in the evening isn’t hard work, I will become a prostitute. Easy and fast earning money as well. Win-win.
Maybe I should stop rambling and go to bed. I’m looking 10 years older, my tits are hanging on my shoes, my skin is going through puberty again, my ass is softer than two pillows and I’m getting fat. And even though that are some shitty things studying medicine does to my body – ALREADY – I’m still in love with every single, fat-adding-to-my-body-and-ass day.
4xme – what’s not great about that?
I haven’t felt like blogging in a long time – not because I didn’t have a lot of shit to say and a lot of shit to give, but mostly because I had a life. It didn’t last too long.
I’ve been dating… a lot. And still I’m not good at it. It bores me. Maybe because I’m too demanding or maybe I just meet lots of boring boys. I can’t figure it out anymore, but they mostly just repulse me. I don’t think it’s their fault, but more the direction this community is turning. Nobody wants to put any effort in anything but themselves. Seriously. I’m about 2 boys from throwing up over this thing called “individuality”, always thinking of me me me me and yeah… me. And “personal development” is oh so important, and don’t misunderstand me, it is, but come on… You can’t use “personal development” for a squat. Trust me on that. If you think you will be a better person alone, you are delusional. Personal development is only a shitty concept developed by some capitalist assholes who are using this shitty, individual mindset for their own goddamn benefit. If you are so fucking holy and see yourself has a sucker for Buddha, you should just lock yourself in a rotten shed and eat fucking rice until you die.. pretty much. But if you still think you get “closer to yourself” by sticking your meat in everything that walks – be my guest and we will invite some hollowness and chlamydia to dinner: do you eat meat?
But enough of that – you can’t blame people. Today you can customize everything in your life, you can even get a burger without pickles (even though I really don’t understand people who un-choose that). So why even bother to fight for love, when you can customize that as well? Just be aware that you – in the end – just will date a robot, whom you have built. Or something. What the fuck do I know anymore…
So for something completely different. I’m going to study Medicine, and actually I got two spots. One on University of Copenhagen and one on University of Southern Denmark. What are the odds?! I feel so goddamn lucky. Finally I feel like I got the recognition I’ve been working so hard on. In secondary school my great great math teacher (feel the irony here) said that I sucked at math and would probably have a difficult time passing and getting the grade that was necessary in high school to study Medicine. And guess what stupid math teacher? I was fucking great in high school, so fucking great that two – TWO!!! – universities want me. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it, mother fuckeeeeeeeeeer.
Everybody told me “You should study psychology”. Even my mom told me to 2 hours after I applied for Anthropology and Ethnology. I kinda got mad at her for saying that because the timing was quite awful. First I thought to myself “You must be fucking with me – I’ve just APPLIED for something else” and 33 seconds later:
“Holy shit, why the fuck didn’t I apply for psychology, you stupid fuck?”
and 47 seconds later:
“It’s okay. I’ve applied for anthro and ethno because of the psychology, I’m gonna get it either way. Don’t worry (I basically lied to chill)”….
And now I feel the urge to study psychology so baaaaaadly. It has always been a possibility, but why I haven’t thought of it, I really don’t know. Maybe because I was afraid that it was too specific compared to anthropology, or maybe because I was way up in my own ass to see clearly. Since I was a little girl medicine was the future, and then I became a teenager with the thought that psychiatry was the answer with medicine… Then I thought I could get the part with psychiatry and psychology in anthropology, just with a little more….AND NOW I HAVE TOTALLY FUCKED IT UP! Oh my fucking jesus christ of maria, why didn’t I just listen to my mother?
I’m so sorry, mom. From now on I will never ever ever EVER be skeptical of your thoughts and ideas.
Fuck I miss my family by the way…………… I miss that hole of mess. Even though it was one chaotic home, I always knew when and what – which direction I was willing to go and what I wanted to do with my life. And since I’ve moved to Copenhagen everything seems so blurry.